76. Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

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"About 1 litre."

 

67. Good Lessons in Life

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are

on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder

lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says. Normally, one is granted three wishes

but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first

wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.

"Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and

shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and

cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ..........:p

Lesson I - ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. 

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson II - Never, never assume that your BOSS  knows everything.

Lesson II - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle. 

He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish will come true."The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE".The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.

The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".he was so contented with his beer pool.The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ....................."

Lesson III - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen.

source: http://funnyswf2.googlepages.com/good-lessons-in-life.htm

53. Management Fundas are same everywhere

Once SONIA GANDHI, L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were 
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of 
them died. 
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. 

He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN. 

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. 
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. 

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of 
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public 
positions, etc. 

Then why the differential treatment? 

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before 
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived 
notions. 



Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English 
test. 

Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly. 

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes. 

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ". 

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. 

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus 
forced to fail with false intent. 



Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance 
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal 
platform for all three). 

Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and 
passes. 

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. 

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." 
Tough one. He fails again. 



Laloo is extremely unhappy. 

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now 
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history 

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take 
any more tests. 

Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and 
passed. 

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". 

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 
or 300,000. 
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. 

It's Laloo's turn now. 
' 
 
' 

' 
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died 
in the struggle. 
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL. 

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.....  :-