Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Best Out of Office Automatic e-mail Replies

These replies are worth using in office emails.

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over
and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susan' instead of Steven

Sunday, June 7, 2009

91.New Job Titles

OLD TITLES :   NEW TITLES 


Garden Boy : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist 

House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager 

Receptionist : Front Office Manager/Office Access Control 

Typist: Printed Document Handler 

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer 

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician 

Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor 

Tea Boy : Refreshment Overseer 

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician 

Watchman : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer 

Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer 

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist 

Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist 

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager 

Cook : Food Preparation Officer 

Unemployed : Township Management 

Gossiping
 : Research Management
 
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